Hi guys:) this is a carry on from my “Back!” post in which I continue saying about the past of….. dat.
Okay, well i told you pretty much most of it but I just wanted to go into detail :).
M’kay so it all pretty much started in RE (february 2013) when it was me & suman sitting behind him, before the new seating arrangement. but before this one, there wasn’t a seating plan so she muddled us around and so i sat with suman :). m’kay so next to us, on the other tables, were wednesday, lauren, hayley & lydia, and me and lauren were talking (i have no idea what it was about) but we was on the topic of “bright side” n “dark side” and then he got involved then later on (as in the days/weeks) he kept going on about it and tried joking about it in which resulted……. dat. this feels so cheesy me saying this but in which resulted us actually talking. i mean before any of this i barely knew who he actually was (but not the same to him ehk). So he was joking about it and there’s only 1 lesson i really remember him first going on about it and it was in History and he sat about 2 tables behind me and lauren sat far away and he goes on about how i said how him and suman are on the dark side and that it’s just me and lauren on the bright side so he goes “so the light just goes on you and passes all the way across the classroom?” or something like that then i said yeah then laughter and w/e i dont know what we was going on about next but then because we were pretty much in the same lessons for everything except p.e. we talked more and more n stuff and i remember in RE when we was talking we held eye contact for ages i didnt even realise lol m’k :L. But anyway, it’s just those little things that build up the picture. like I’ll remember the tiniest little detail and that’ll just complete the main object for me.
When i look back, there’s a sense that he did like me but when i look at now i feel as if he’s just turned into a rock. a fucking cold hearted dickhead who hjdjcjcjfirjrnfvls ugh im so pissed idek im too easy to be honest with you he knows himself he’s able to start a conversation with me whenever he likes n for fukvs sake (sorry fornot typing proper i cba to correct°) and he fucking tries to make me jealous just cos he talks to those bitchy girls whom everyone licks their arses clean i dont know why n I DONT UNDERSTAND why i still feel like this i mean surely to anyone else they’d just be like “ayt that’s my cue im off” why THE fuck dont i feel like that im fuming flabbergasting fucking angry with myself why do i let myself do this surely there’s better people out there surely PFT there are why am i sticking with a stuck up dickhead thinking that one day he’s gonna go back into who he was in year 9 when he was actually decent and not a dick i mean why why are you doing this to yourself you bloomin’ well cried over the bastard yesterday thinking he’s still got some sense in him welllllLllLllLL he hasn’t he’s a faggot. hm but to the other side of me which i completely and utterly am starting to disagree with, says that if it was just us 2 then he’d be the same guy from before. that side of me is saying this is all for a show. that he’s the same underneath, just trying to be a dick but why? why would a person do that? where’s the logic bro? WHERE’S THAT LOGIC. hm. well. i am pissed.
but yesh. anyway. We’d have our moments in year 9. like walking to music i was walking with georgia jema and suman and i was kind of infront with georgia and then suman says “look behind you” so i do and then he’s behind me (on his own) then he laughs and i was going to just hug him i dont even fucking know why but i guess suman thought i was going to attack him cos i always did that so she blocked me off until he walked by so hm. then in music one day (it wasnt the same day as this) Kyle and him said i had a broken neck lol wtf m’k then as i was walking out (walking through the chairs) i turned around and said “how do i have a broken neck” and he was just staring at me which kinda freaked me out for a bit but i didnt think much of it then. but another time in german (i even told myself then that i’d obv think about that situation… differently) it was the end and the bell went but miss forgot (idiot) so we had to pack away quickly, nearly everyone just legged it, and somehow he got my book n i got annoyed at him trying to pass it onto kyle so i went up to him (he was sitting) and i tried to get my book but he leant it backwards so i kind of hence kind of leaned forwarder but i didnt want to so i grabbed his arm to pull it towards me then he chucked my book then i gave him evils and slapped him loll then i heard suman (who was near the front of the classroom) say my name and then started to chuckle so then i had to pick up my book n as he left he was looking and i just gave him dead on evils lol. We had moments in art, like once as we just walked in he sat in my seat lol and in art he’d come over and speak to me and our conversations *were mainly just annoying each other (sorry not meant to be underlined) hahaha and if we’d bumb around the classroom or w/e but i remember once i dont know what happened but (i think) his shirt was kind of up/tucked in so i pulled it out/down and said “your shirt’s up” and he kind of watched my hand as if he wanted me to see his body or something????(his stomach was half on show when i tugged at his shirt) &OH YEAH another one was when he went on a school trip for the first 3 days of the week and so he came back thursday, and we have double art first thing, and in art i heard him say to suman “did *my name* miss me?” and i dont know if he was looking at me but that made me smile & i hope he didnt look but i didnt hear what suman said afterwards.
But minusing all of the up’s of ‘dat’; i’m not really sure on how we drifted tbh. we (or i) just made it awkward for the both of us because that’s when i started to like him and i do this thing (which most people –including him- do) where i stare at them from a distance but dont speak to them and i started doing that to him and i guessed he saw me doing so a couple of times but eh he wouldn’t be a smartass to guess that i fancied him. but on my last art class, i was speaking to the teacher who was sitting near to me (who is fit as fuck oh my) and we were discussing my holiday to turkey and conor was staring at me for the majority of it which made me feel uncomfortable for a bit-_- hm.
Then on my last day, we finished a monday (my last day) off with double tech and as we were going in, i kicked him (i dont know why tbh i have it in my head that we drifted buh ok) so he decides to trip me n normally i’d know but fuck me i fell face first and then he got told off and in class when i looked at him he looked so fucking pissed like he’d punch me in the face but i dont know why he just got told off for it i should’ve been the one pissed off i fell face first on the ground 😡 then chris fucking chris was laughing. chris is okay now, we’re on okay terms but in year 9 we hated each other’s guts hahaha. anyway, after tech i waited for sydney and emma was with me saying “i’m gonna miss you” which was making me quite upset to be honest i dont know why aha then syd came out and said near enough the exact thing which made me cry so we went toilet, i dried my eyes for a bit and as we came out emma and syd were cuddling me and f*cking conor was with his mates walking out and all i saw was him laughing and he looked at me and when we had to take our school photos for year10 he said something along the lines of that he made me cry in year 9 (me harry n him were discussing lois cos she cried a lot) but i dunno i must’ve just told him to shut up or something idk. but yeah. that’s the background (mostly) of it. well all of year 9 basically. I’ll discuss the start of year 10 tomorrow:)
m’kay well goodnight and yeah this post is just about him so sorryD: x
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