Hi everyone, to whoever’s reading this:) To start this off, I just want to say sorry for not posting for a whole year, I don’t really have an excuse (I’m angry at myself lol) and when i revisited my blog, because i completely forgot about it and didn’t even know the URL, I didn’t know what my account was:L. I tried all the ones I could think about, but obviously didn’t care too much because how I found it now wasn’t even that difficult.
But anyway I was eager to know it now because I hope I will stick to posting everyday/some days/ every week as I regret not doing that before.
When I stopped posting out of pure laziness, that’s really (not meant to be underlined) when I should’ve blogged more.
Basically, I like(d)some other dude(not azim, who was the previous one i spoke about) which I still do but I’m not sure and i dont even know why he’s had such a big effect on me. i even cry over him sometimes and e v e r y night I think about him. i think about him being next to me, hugging, chatting, i even make up scenarios that more or less are realistic enough to happen. I always tell myself to shut up or to just “stop thinking about him, do you think he’s thinking about you?” but then i go into that question and debate myself on whether he does or not. A part of me says he does then the other says he doesn’t. I mean if i was to debate on NOW /–right now–/ most of me would go “nah” but then a tiny part tries to keep my hopes up and says maybe or whatever to keep myself happy. With what we were like, I doubt he doesn’t have feelings for me, (sounds big headed i know) but yet again he shows it that I wasn’t important at all but yet again we both know we made an impact on each other’s lifes. We both kinda showed it that we liked each other, i mean he’d try to know stuff about me and just get involved in my conversations, and to be honest, I didn’t really have feelings for him until we started to drift and not speak as often as we did. He even joined our group in science when we was doing experiments, & —(as a joke, I’d kick him when we’re sitting down or just annoy him anyway i could)— in art, we were talking then he says that his mum called me a donkey, so obviously i was just like “what” then he goes “i told my mum that some girl in school keeps kicking me and she said only donkeys kick” then my friends started laughing (georgia, suman and jema) and i just gave him evils and he walked off. But i mean, if i didn’t make an impact on him and it’s all just in my head, surely he wouldn’t talk about me to his mother? or was he joking about that donkey thing? plus he asked suman on what i picked for my options in year 10 (current year) so, if he was just playing me about why was he so keen on what I picked? and kept getting involved in my conversations? (((I was crying then haha:( wow)))
We used to be close, kind of, the close that’s like school close. We didn’t talk outside of school, like over the internet, phone etc. I don’t know why, I wish I manned up and just popped up like “sup” or w/e. It could’ve changed something. Everyday we’d speak in school, lesson time but not break/lunch, he’d go to his mates and mine stay in the caff.
FYI: All of this happened in year 9, last year basically. We’re year 10 now, a lot has changed but I’ll go into detail later on once I’ve said about the past etc.
So yeah. I’m gonna stop there for now, told you most of it (kind of) and now I want to stop thinking about him and just eat my dinner and watch YouTube videos and chat to Dani 🙂
adios &thanks for reading, I need to stick with this!:L enjoy your day/night and see you next time x
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